My break was nearly over and it was time to return to my desk. I glanced in the bathroom mirror to make sure my makeup still looked fresh, then tamed the fly-aways in my hair. I leaned in to make sure nothing was in my teeth.
“What is that?”
I leaned in closer. A horizontal crease between the center of my brows reflected back. I hadn’t noticed it the night before or even that morning in my rush to get ready. Seconds earlier I was unaware of its existence. It had crept up on me and caught me unaware.
“Had I slept wrong?”
My mind didn’t immediately jump to the obvious conclusion of what now laid bare on my face; an unwelcomed new and permanent addition. I was only 28. The crease floated in and out of my brain the rest of the day, but I assured myself it would go away on its own.
I’d just scrunched my face and it hadn’t snapped back.
I needed more moisturizer.
Or worst case.
I’ll buy one of those expensive creams and it’ll disappear.
I was under some very naïve assumptions of wrinkles and their propensity to stay forever back then. My suntanning days were long behind me and I never took up smoking so I had time, I thought. Wrinkles were for women in their 40s and something that future me had to worry about years from now, not today. Little did I know that they show up on their own schedule and a fancy cream won’t chase them away.
That night, and many more after it, I added extra moisturizer and even slathered my brow with petroleum jelly on what I finally admitted was a wrinkle (when I could no longer excuse a bad sleeping position). The internet told me Vaseline could help erase my wrinkle. It didn’t.
l had petroleum jelly and used it for many things, but wrinkle remover was not one of them. This was pre-social media so no YouTube or TikTok, mostly just personal blogs or a company trying to sell you a product that probably didn’t work. Yes, useless products and ineffective skincare routines still exist ad nauseam in these spaces, but we are also presented with accurate information from the experts that, years ago, would have taken at minimum a trip or two to the dermatologist to ascertain. What’s unfortunate is that you can still search the web today and find anecdotes touting how petroleum jelly, coconut oil, aloe vera, and even bananas can help remove wrinkles.
When the petroleum jelly didn’t work, I finally broke down and bought an expensive face cream from Lancome during one of those mall sales where you get a free gift with purchase. At $40 a jar, it was a significant splurge for me on my small salary. I wouldn’t even let my boyfriend at the time touch my face after I applied it at night for fear that some would get wasted.
The cream was lovely and I bought a couple more jars over the next few months but it was an overindulgence and it wasn’t improving my wrinkle. I’ve since learned that more expensive creams can feel and smell nice (though I now avoid fragranced products in my skin care) but perform little or no better than the stuff I can get at CVS. Years of self-experimentation and hearing from dermatologists has convinced me that expensive creams rarely have a functional advantage over a well-produced cheaper product. It’s not about the price; it’s about the actives. And the best active ingredient in my opinion (and for many dermatologists) is tretinoin a.ka. retinoic acid. Unfortunately, I didn’t discover tretinoin until about seven years later when again, I saw myself in an office bathroom under fluorescent light and didn’t like my reflection. I finally had some disposable income so I went to a fancy dermatologist for the first time to look into my options. I didn’t come home with tretinoin that day, but instead a more expensive, weaker version, that was supposed to “work better”. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. I’ll document my Tretinoin Timeline in a separate post.
Seventeen years later and that crease still reflects back to me, but I hardly notice it anymore. It’s now a part of my face and a part of me. More wrinkles have arrived and now that little one between my brows is no longer alone. It has some friends to keep it company and some new arrivals that have appeared near my eyes and forehead. There are even fresh issues to fiddle with like loss of elasticity and discoloration.
Aging can be tough. Years of bad living start to catch up with us, externally and internally, and it takes a concerted effort to stay healthy, but I’ve learned to enjoy the effort. Searching and finding ways to stay mentally and physically fit is a fun hobby to me. I feel great and take care of myself (although I have my vices), but even with all that focused energy, I don’t look like I’m 25 anymore and never will again. I’ve accepted it and it doesn’t bother me. Heck, if someone says “You look good for your age,” I appreciate it.
I don’t expect to look like the me from 20+ years ago and as I get older, it’s more important for me to focus on keeping my internal organs young, and less about my skin. But I also see no shame in striving to make yourself look and feel better on the outside. Acceptance of the inevitability of growing old doesn’t mean that we can’t try our best to make healthy choices and take care of the skin and body we have. I have a simple skincare routine that I like so that part is on easy mode now. The rest is smart, daily choices in what I eat, and how I move my body.
Even the best skin care routine and strict program adherence won’t stop the skin from aging. Nothing will. And that’s okay. We are allowed to age and it to let it reflect on our face. Aging isn’t a luxury that everyone will get to experience so we should be grateful, even if the reflection from our youth has vanished.
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